A few weeks ago, one of the bosses got a new puppy. Of course, they had to give him a job, no nepotism here (heavy on the sarcasm). So, he’s been assigned to me as my intern. Being the upstanding employee that I am, I enthusiastically accepted the task. I know now this was a big mistake.
He’s extremely green, must be right out of school. It’s obvious he has no qualifications and is not going to work out in this business. His lack of work ethic is obvious. I have even caught him napping on the job. No excuse for this behavior. I’m even required to escort him to the restroom. It’s embarrassing.
He has a poor attitude and doesn’t hide it. He is vocal about his dislike for the job and this office. I caught him crying at his desk. He talks back to our bosses and the other employees. Not very mature or respectful. I wouldn’t stand for that if I was management.
You all know I take my job seriously and keep my toys…. I mean tools in proper working order. This guy has been stealing my tools and not putting them back where they go. He’s even broken a few of them and not had them fixed. And the tools he brings to work he won’t even share. Same goes for my lunch and snacks. He’s a greedy little bugger.
I must nip this in the bud and set this young whippersnapper straight. So that’s just what I did. I laid into him, or on him. He struggled a bit at first, but finally gave in. Perhaps it was my excellent mentorship, or maybe the lack of oxygen. He might just come around. Time will tell.
Having had some experience with this myself, I thought I might share some of my pro tips for how to find your tennis ball when it gets lost in the snow. These helpful tips can also be applied to any variety of lost toys in the winter months.
If you lose your ball in the deep snow while playing fetch, sniff around in a zig zag pattern until you find the general area where the ball went into the snowy abyss. Once found, vigorously paw at the area and push down into the snow to help dislodge the ball. It also helps to stick your nose directly into the snow and take a big sniff to make sure you are still on the right track.
When playing with your hooman, make sure you turn and run before they throw the ball, this may affect your ability to see which direction the ball even went, but it should help you get to the ball before it has actually landed. Very high-pitched whining encourages them to throw it even quicker.
The next day, remember where your ball might have been and start your search again! Repeat step #1 for a while, if no luck, skip to step #3. Do not waste your time on this anymore and move on to more rewarding activities such as eating poopsicles or telling your hooman to throw a different ball.
This is Dinosaur, he is a Triceratops. My coworkers assigned this work project specifically to me. I made it my sole responsibility to care for this patient.
I spent hours working with him. I nibbled off his horns and the tips of his boney frill. After many attempts, I finally reached his inner squeak. I carefully removed it and deemed it unsqueakable.
Today I decorated the office with its inner stuffing. My coworkers were not impressed. They do not realize the potential of my interior design skills and must have no appreciation for the finer things.
They had the audacity to pick up all the stuffing and throw it in the trash. THE TRASH! Needless to say, I was deeply offended.